I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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