my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize