I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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