11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
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After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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