i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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