Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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