You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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