Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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