community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
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Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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