make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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