Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
nutella sex= disaster
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I want is dick and wine.
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