Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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