He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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