he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize