ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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