So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize