i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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