drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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