i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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