Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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Thank you for not boning my boss.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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