Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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