I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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