there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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