ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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