it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I won the penis lottery.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize