the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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