the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize