He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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