ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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