i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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