it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize