Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize