You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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