So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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