I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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