Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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