Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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