I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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