You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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