the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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