if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize