I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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