I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize