Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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