I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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