Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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