did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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