Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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