Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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