I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize